1. Food. It's always great in OK, but aside from the usual favorites (Braums, Taco Mayo, BBQ with all the fixin's, velveeta mac n cheese) we had TWO Thanksgiving feasts. That meant we had plenty of mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, homemade stuffing, various cranberry dishes, and turkey AND ham both days. And did I mention the pies? In OK, there's no such thing as "too much" food. Feeling a bit hungry? Have another helping of EVERYTHING. A little hungry before bedtime? Have another piece of pecan pie. Might as well have another pumpkin, too. Don't mind if I do!
2. Family. Ok, maybe this should be #1. A wonderful Memaw, oodles of excited and exciting aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents all just busting to play with The Prince. And they were excited to see his mom and dad, too. Definitely the most precious part of the trip.
3. Where the wind comes sweeping. The Prince had a blast crawling around Memaw's yard, and even playing in a pile of leaves in Aunty K's. Yes, Daddy let The Prince play in the leaves. Daddy even threw the leaves on The Prince. Mommy cringed, but enjoyed watching The Prince enjoy himself and discover his love for the outdoors. They are such boys.
Bonus? The OK family is coming out for a CO Christmas. We are so excited! This hasn't happened since I've been in the family, but they are all going to bravely trek out here and spend a few days in close quarters. That's what family's all about, right? Can't wait!
Monday, November 29, 2010
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Depression Reference
Weeping may last for the night,
But a shout of joy comes in the morning. Psalm 30:5
Bring on the mornings, Lord.
But a shout of joy comes in the morning. Psalm 30:5
Bring on the mornings, Lord.
Monday, November 22, 2010
Pray for Peace
A new friend of mine shared some wisdom with me over coffee and crocheting: if you ask God for patience, He'll certainly give it, but you'll learn it through trials and unexpected kinks in your path. Instead, ask God for peace.
Not that I wouldn't want to grow through trials and become a much better person, better prepared for what God has in store for me, but it seems like a good measure of peace would be a great way to ready for that journey.
I pray for peace in my life, amidst all the chaos and uncertainty of finances, sleepless nights, and various unknowns that constantly hover around the edges.
I pray for peace for my baby, as he tries to sleep through the night. I ask God to put His arms around my son, and to comfort and relax him.
I pray for peace in the lives of those in my marigold garden (it's an illustration I found to describe people you pray for) in the chaos of their lives, and all the challenges they face.
The list goes on. And you know what? I really can feel it. I'm a pretty emotional person, and I don't handle stress well. But with God's peace, I feel like I can face whatever comes and deal with it. I'm learning what's really important, and what's just not.
I've often heard this verse, but not usually in context. The verses immediately preceding it are about not worrying, about lifting requests up to God and letting Him handle it. It seems like a cycle - I ask God for peace, but that peace also comes with giving Him my worries. It's all connected, and God's constantly teaching me and showing me His majesty and glory.
Not that I wouldn't want to grow through trials and become a much better person, better prepared for what God has in store for me, but it seems like a good measure of peace would be a great way to ready for that journey.
I pray for peace in my life, amidst all the chaos and uncertainty of finances, sleepless nights, and various unknowns that constantly hover around the edges.
I pray for peace for my baby, as he tries to sleep through the night. I ask God to put His arms around my son, and to comfort and relax him.
I pray for peace in the lives of those in my marigold garden (it's an illustration I found to describe people you pray for) in the chaos of their lives, and all the challenges they face.
The list goes on. And you know what? I really can feel it. I'm a pretty emotional person, and I don't handle stress well. But with God's peace, I feel like I can face whatever comes and deal with it. I'm learning what's really important, and what's just not.
And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your
hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Phillipians 4:7
I've often heard this verse, but not usually in context. The verses immediately preceding it are about not worrying, about lifting requests up to God and letting Him handle it. It seems like a cycle - I ask God for peace, but that peace also comes with giving Him my worries. It's all connected, and God's constantly teaching me and showing me His majesty and glory.
Saturday, November 13, 2010
The Prince SLEPT THROUGH THE NIGHT!
My name is Mommy, and my ten-month-old son just SLEPT THROUGH THE NIGHT! Ohmygoodness, I wasn't sure if this would ever happen. He's actually been getting a little better every night this week, sleeping until 4:00, then 5:00, and this morning...6:00!
Now, the last time he slept until 5:00 he started waking up again the following nights, so we'll see if this sticks. But now I know that he can do it! Woo hoo!
For a kid that doesn't usually sleep well, he sure hates waking up.
Here is grouchy wake-up face:
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Honesty
I battle depression. I say "battle" rather than "struggle" because it truly is a battle, for my sanity, my heart, for me.
I first remember feeling it in high school, although I didn't know what it was at the time. A friend's mom described it as I "lost my sparkle." Sometimes it's a sadness so profound that I can hardly face life, sometimes it's just, well, nothing. A deep, overwhelming feeling of nothingness. Either way, it's crippling on the worst days, and stifling on the "easy" days, like trying to catch a deep breath in humidity.
Sometimes I can pinpoint triggers, but sometimes it just takes me by surprise. It can last for part of a day, or for weeks. Accomplishments, busy-ness, buying things, eating, all can help, but it's like putting a bandaid on a gushing wound. It doesn't solve the problem, and I still have to address it again later (and many times those "fixes" lead to problems of their own).
One of the worst things is how it warps my sense of truth. Things that I know to be true just aren't anymore. Or it doesn't matter that they are true. I know that I am "fearfully and wonderfully made," but it just doesn't feel true in those moments.
I also feel very alone. I hate asking for help, mostly because I hate bothering people for something I need. Nevermind that companionship or empathy might truly help - it just doesn't feel that way in the moment.
I thank God that I've never felt suicidal, and that I didn't have worse post-partum depression. I felt it, to be sure, but somehow never slipped so far over the edge that I couldn't find my way back.
So, where does that leave me? Sounds like a pretty sad case here. My favorite remedy? Drugs. Seriously. Those happy pills are one of modern medicine's best inventions. Today's anti-depressants don't alter your personality, and if one isn't working, others are available for your specific case. The only problem with the drugs...I went off them when we started trying for a baby. I felt very strongly about affects on the child. I know there have been studies, and there are versions you can take that aren't supposed to affect the baby, but I really feel like there isn't enough long-term data for that. I didn't want to risk it. Those were a wild few years, and I promise I would have gone back on them if I felt like I couldn't make it.
My second-best solution, then, is a whole-lifestyle approach. I totally disagree with Tom Cruise and his vitamin spiel, but those vitamins can make a difference. Add a healthy diet with fish and nuts for those omega-3's, plenty of non-processed food, lots of sunshine and exercise, counseling, a balance of fun and creative activities mixed in with work, etc., etc. That's all, right? Well, at least a valiant attempt at having those things has made a difference to me.
I really can't say enough about the creative outlets. Doing something, even for just a few minutes each day, makes a huge difference. Find a musician or artist who expresses how you feel at your worst, and then try to find one that expresses how you feel at your best. Heck, if you can put into words or art your own feelings, you're turning the darkness on its head and using it for good!
More recently, I started keeping a notebook labeled "Depression References." It's going to be verses and other writings that I find inspirational in this battle. I know I tend to overlook their truth in my darkness, but I get the feeling having a long list of these truths and snippets could be a pretty good battle plan.
Here are a couple of my current favorites:
I first remember feeling it in high school, although I didn't know what it was at the time. A friend's mom described it as I "lost my sparkle." Sometimes it's a sadness so profound that I can hardly face life, sometimes it's just, well, nothing. A deep, overwhelming feeling of nothingness. Either way, it's crippling on the worst days, and stifling on the "easy" days, like trying to catch a deep breath in humidity.
Sometimes I can pinpoint triggers, but sometimes it just takes me by surprise. It can last for part of a day, or for weeks. Accomplishments, busy-ness, buying things, eating, all can help, but it's like putting a bandaid on a gushing wound. It doesn't solve the problem, and I still have to address it again later (and many times those "fixes" lead to problems of their own).
One of the worst things is how it warps my sense of truth. Things that I know to be true just aren't anymore. Or it doesn't matter that they are true. I know that I am "fearfully and wonderfully made," but it just doesn't feel true in those moments.
I also feel very alone. I hate asking for help, mostly because I hate bothering people for something I need. Nevermind that companionship or empathy might truly help - it just doesn't feel that way in the moment.
I thank God that I've never felt suicidal, and that I didn't have worse post-partum depression. I felt it, to be sure, but somehow never slipped so far over the edge that I couldn't find my way back.
So, where does that leave me? Sounds like a pretty sad case here. My favorite remedy? Drugs. Seriously. Those happy pills are one of modern medicine's best inventions. Today's anti-depressants don't alter your personality, and if one isn't working, others are available for your specific case. The only problem with the drugs...I went off them when we started trying for a baby. I felt very strongly about affects on the child. I know there have been studies, and there are versions you can take that aren't supposed to affect the baby, but I really feel like there isn't enough long-term data for that. I didn't want to risk it. Those were a wild few years, and I promise I would have gone back on them if I felt like I couldn't make it.
My second-best solution, then, is a whole-lifestyle approach. I totally disagree with Tom Cruise and his vitamin spiel, but those vitamins can make a difference. Add a healthy diet with fish and nuts for those omega-3's, plenty of non-processed food, lots of sunshine and exercise, counseling, a balance of fun and creative activities mixed in with work, etc., etc. That's all, right? Well, at least a valiant attempt at having those things has made a difference to me.
I really can't say enough about the creative outlets. Doing something, even for just a few minutes each day, makes a huge difference. Find a musician or artist who expresses how you feel at your worst, and then try to find one that expresses how you feel at your best. Heck, if you can put into words or art your own feelings, you're turning the darkness on its head and using it for good!
More recently, I started keeping a notebook labeled "Depression References." It's going to be verses and other writings that I find inspirational in this battle. I know I tend to overlook their truth in my darkness, but I get the feeling having a long list of these truths and snippets could be a pretty good battle plan.
Here are a couple of my current favorites:
"The Lord my God illumines my darkness." Psalm 18:28"A bruised reed He will not break, and a dimly burning wick He will not extinguish." Isaiah 42:3
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