Depression Reference

One of the biggest lies of depression is that you're alone in the emptiness, you're alone in your despair.

It's simply not true. The more I am brave enough to share my experiences, the more I find others who have felt or are feeling just like me.

And I found this the other day:

You have taken account of my wanderings;
Put my tears in Your bottle.
Are they not in Your book?
Ps 56:8

I've always heard that God knows the number of hairs on my head, but I suppose I've become jaded to that precious statement. This one, though, really hits home. God knows every tear I've cried. It seems as though He's saved them, like they matter to Him. He is aware of my depression. I'm not alone.

Baby Life #6

The Ebb and Flow of Time

Really it's more just "The Flow of Time," because hardly anything ever ebbs around here anymore. Sometimes the sleepless nights ebb, and the time spent away from my family to do practical things like work, but mostly time just rushes by.

I've said this more in the past year than I ever have before, but I'll say it again. I can't believe how fast things have gone. I have a one-year-old. How on earth did that happen? He was just a few months old yesterday. Now, he's walking (nearly running) around the house. Naked, when at all possible.

It's sort of one of life's most unfair things, that this is such an important time in my life, and I'm having a hard time remembering a lot of it. Some nights, when I'm waiting for The Prince to sleep, I try to go back through this past year, and I have a tough time remembering clearly. The lack of sleep and enormity of it all seems to have eclipsed many of the precious moments. I try to hold on to as much as I can.

I am so glad we splurged on a nice camera on Black Friday two years ago. Totally worth it.

Comfort Foods - Fried, of Course!

On our recent trip to OK, I was inspired to make egg rolls. Now, these are a special family recipe, and I've never attempted the entire process by myself. Usually, my mom is very involved. But, I wanted to make something special for my family, and these certainly fit the bill.

This isn't so much a recipe as a food story. I'm glad to share it again.

Pork and veggie egg rolls, coming right up!

And the second course is...crab cheese wontons!

Not to be 0utdone, hubs made fried twinkies for dessert.

Mmmmm, contented-sigh-of-happiness. That was dinner on New Year's Eve. What a way to end the year!

The Frailty of Life

This one has been a few weeks in the making. I've been searching for the right words to make what's on my heart sound eloquent, as a fitting tribute to those we've recently lost. But nothing's come to mind.

A friend of mine died two weeks ago. I'm struck by his life and his story, and his death.

Last week, my husband's aunt took her own life. I am struck by the life she leaves behind.

So what now? I spent the hours after I found out about each in a stupor. One day, one moment, they were here, and now they are gone. On this side, death seems so final. But also on this side, life seems so frail. I clung to my husband and my son even more fiercely on those days, insisting they stay near me. I thought of things I needed to say to those that I love, because, what if? What if this is the last kiss? What if this is the last thing I say to you?

We cannot live in fear. That would choke the very life we held so tightly. It seems to be a delicate balance, an intricate dance, almost as frail as that life. I must make sure, as much as I can, that moments matter. I must have no regrets, and simply make that a part of my life and character. But I must also accept that loss is a part of this broken life and this imperfect world.

I begin the new year with a deep appreciation for this frail life, and that surrounds me. I remind myself to take the time to enjoy the feel of the brisk air or the soft fur of my kitty, the sound of my favorite song or of my son's laughter, and the way my heart swells when my husband comes home. I'm learning to enjoy each of these moments while I can, and I am so very thankful for them.